Moving from bullied kid, to bullied adult, to screw you I’m not taking it any more.
NOW, more than any other time, with mobile technology and open airwaves – if we’re good – if we’re authentic – if we know our stuff – we are in prime position to be noticed, to build a tribe, to be heard, to be seen, to create something awesome.
But mark my words… you start rattling cages, you start sticking your head above the parapet, you’re gonna get shot.
This is a world where people are addicted to drama, and if Eastenders ain’t their thing, they’re gonna create their own. They need their fix. And if you’re out there, doing your stuff, keeping it real, you’re a target.
This is a world where, as part of that drama, people are unhappy with their lot. And they’re frustrated, because people like me keep telling them anything’s possible, keep telling them the world’s their lobster, and if – for whatever reason – they’re missing that sweet spot, those they perceive to be sitting in that place where the grass is greener become their targets.
This is a world where – as part of that drama – people don’t always want to be happy, to be positive.
There is shitloads of secondary gain to be had from staying in that sad place – and I know this because I’ve been there.
‘Oh, if I stay here, I have an excuse to not do things. If I’m too depressed to get out of bed, people support me.’
Well, let me tell you something… People will only support you up to a point. Because, you know what? They all have their own lives happening.
Sooner or later, when people realise you’re not really wanting to do anything to help your situation, when they see you’re just too comfortable wallowing, that you don’t actually want to move your ass, they’re gonna leave you right there to stew.
When that happens… if you’re one of those people talking about all the amazing opportunities out there, about how positive you are about your business, about the passion you have for life, if that energy you have is so real it floods the room, or pops through the screen, that’s gonna really push buttons for the wallowers. Guess what? You’re gonna be a target.
We ARE living in a world where opportunities are boundless and where you have the opportunity to be heard and to make a difference. And if that’s what you want… if part of your strategy is to get out there and get noticed… you need to start growing a thicker skin, my friends, and you need to be prepared to take some punches.
Metaphorical punches. Virtual slap downs. You might not bleed but, at least the first few times, they’re gonna hurt. You don’t need physical contact to feel an energetic kick in the teeth.
TIME TO TOUGHEN UP
You need to get tougher. And you need to find a way to do that without losing touch with your compassion because, at the end of the day, people buy people, and being an asshole might get you elected for a four year term, but then what? Money ain’t gonna buy you happiness, or respect, or gratitude, or enlightenment.
I had to learn the hard way. And, y’know what? Sometimes, that’s the best way. At first, I didn’t understand what was happening. I was only doing ‘good stuff’ to help people. My intentions were good. I was coaching and mentoring my ass off. I was running seminars and courses to help people get past all the perceived crap in their lives, take off those masks, get to the real essence of themselves, so they could follow their own dreams instead of unwittingly slaving away at someone else’s ideal they’d been conditioned to believe.
Every now and then, I’d take a few punches. And it didn’t make sense. Until I realised, sometimes change can be painful. And sometimes, if we know we need to change, and we see someone who appears to have everything sorted out, that can be tough, and people lash out.
A few years back, I had a particularly big hitter attempting to tear strips off me online and in front of my own audience. My own tribe knew me well enough to see what was going on and to have my back, but it triggered in me all those emotions of the kid who was bullied at school and I went into retreat. Hell, I was even avoiding hanging out in places online where I knew my business needed to be seen, because I was afraid of this one person stirring up more trouble for me.
And that’s where I have to thank Big Brad Burton for telling me to get my gumshield in. And I did. And I stopped being afraid. And everything calmed down.
You know, about 99% of the things we’re afraid of never actually happen!
More recently, I recorded a video encouraging people to be more positive. It wasn’t long after Brexit and it felt like everyone was bickering and fighting.
In this video, I encouraged people to stop complaining and find the positives. And it’s not about closing our eyes to all the war and bloodshed and inequality in the world, but about not adding to it. We can be aware of all that strife, but there’s goodness too, and we shouldn’t be blind to that either.
I told people to get out there, to be real, and I warned them that by holding a positive outlook they would rattle cages. I told them to get out there and rattle them anyway.
That video was really well received. It had loads of shares. And there, in the midst of all that positivity were two people on Twitter. One of them swore about me (and then blocked me so I couldn’t see what he’d said), and his pal replied to all (effectively blowing his cover. Oops) that I sounded like a total radge.
Radge. I had to google that.
Anyway, guess what happened? I almost reverted to default. But not quite. I felt the punch, but I knew I had to stand up. I replied to the twitter stream and successfully downgraded it from abuse to banter (which felt really brave!), and I used the situation to generate more positive engagement on my social channels too.
OPRAH WINFREY SUCKS
Know what stopped me focusing on the two naysayers, rather than all that positive feedback? Someone reminded me that there are no less than 50 websites in existence with the prime objective of slagging off Oprah Winfrey.
Seriously? All that aforementioned war and bloodshed in the world and people are obsessed with knocking Oprah Winfrey? What’s she ever done other than be successful and encourage people to heal their lives?
Aah. That’s it. She’s successful and encourages people to heal their lives. That’s hard to hear if you want to stay in the swamps of despair or the kingdom of ‘I can’t. Bitch!
GRAB YOUR GUMSHIELD
My skin’s thicker than it used to be. I had to grow it. And if you’re passionate about growing your business, if you want to be seen, if you want to make a difference, if you’re good at what you do, and real and authentic and intend to be successful, you need to do the same. You need to pick up that gumshield and put it in.
And when you’re doing good work, when you’re being of service to the world and humankind – and I believe any good business with sound morals, heart and brain does that – you’ll know you’ve really made it when there are 50 websites created by sad people who can’t stand to look into the mirror you’ve created for them.
Keep doing good things. Keep rattling cages. Keep being YOU!