TODAY, for the first time in yonks, I didn’t wake up feeling happy, positive and okay with the world.
I woke up feeling anxious, maybe even a little fearful.
I’m not sure why. Maybe it was my dreams (can’t remember much of them today, so can’t be sure). Maybe it’s hormones. Maybe it’s the natural ebb and flow of things.
I did my appreciator exercise. I looked over at the sunshine and forced a few happy vibes over that. I meditated for a while. And still, the feeling didn’t shift. It lessened a little, maybe, but that heavy feeling is still settled over my chest and I can feel I’m still a little in fight or flight.
It will change.
It will change because I don’t like this feeling and I’ll keep finding the positives until I flood it out of my system.
I will move – because ‘change body, change state’.
I will sing and I will dance – even if I don’t feel like singing or dancing.
I will find something bigger than ‘me’ to focus on.
I will get off Facebook and get outdoors.
I will do all of these things and more, because this is my mood and my life and it’s up to me to do something positive with it and it’s up to me to change the things I’m not happy with.
I’m not happy with today’s mood. So I will change it.
And it’s not about bottling or suppressing – that’s about the worst thing any of us can ever do; whatever’s going on, if we try to push it down and ignore it, it’ll likely find an out some other way, and it’s rarely attractive. Too many unshed tears drown the heart – I know this.
But this… this thing today… it’s not a deep, painful, suffering thing needing an out. This is a passing jolt of anxiety and worry – I can feel the difference these days; this is an old pattern, like storm clouds blowing past. It won’t last, and I won’t let it live rent free inside me for any longer than is absolutely necessary.
I could sit and sink. I could wait for it to pass.
I could cry and rock and build a duvet fort.
I could write depressing poetry, listen to sad country music or get drunk.
But I won’t.
I won’t do any of those things, because past experience tells me they won’t help.
Past experience tells me they might pull me down further, or for longer, and neither of those scenarios are acceptable to me.
Here’s what I AM going to do…
First, alongside all those actions I listed at the start of the blog, I’m writing this, right now.
I’m writing this to tell you all it’s okay. And to remind myself it’s okay.
I’m adding a picture of myself smiling – just so I remember what it looks like! And maybe that will encourage me to actually smile now… because just that simple act releases positive endorphins, and they help too.
Go on… try it… even a really forced smile will work.
We all have down days. We all hit bumps in the road. And it’s okay. It’s normal. It’s real. And those downers absolutely do not have to last or to define you.
There’s more to you than sadness. There’s more to me than sadness. Sometimes, though, it’s good to be reminded of that.
#UnleashYourAwesome – because it IS still there, somewhere.